somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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