I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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