I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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