Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
