Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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