Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
