omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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