did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
