went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize