Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
