May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
