I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
