i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
