I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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