If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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