Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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