Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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