She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
