You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
