I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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