Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
