come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
