My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
