thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
