Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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