Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
