If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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