Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
