38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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