You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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