I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
