Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
