I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
