She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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