evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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