Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
