a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
