i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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