I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize