weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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