I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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