if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
