Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
