And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
