You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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