Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
