he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
