I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize