No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
