After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
