i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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