Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
