it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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