Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
