my mouth tastes like poor choices
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
