So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
