if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
