Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
