I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
