please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
